ThreadingWater

As an underachieving girl scout, I longed to acquire the prettiest, most colorful merit badges for my uniform sash.  But, actually do the work required to earn one?  Not so much.

Knitting badges are so much easier to earn, and you don’t have to wear a dorky uniform or even play nice with your fellow knitters to get one.

In which the recipient is so passionate, opinionated and entirely convinced of his/her own superior knowledge about all things knitting, that he/she may appear pompous, rude, or self-righteous.  In the event you doubt the awarding of this badge, ask me what I think of “novelty” yarns.

This applies to both actual knitting under the influence, as well as achieving moments of stunning intellectual clarity about ones knitting under the influence. Presumes talking about knitting whilst under the influence a given. Achieved around a campfire somewhere in the Northern Cascade mountain range in August 2002, resulting in an embarrassment of dropped stitches and the stark realization (the next morning) that I was not, despite claims to the contrary, capable of knitting without actually looking at my needles.

The recipient has been published in a print or online knitting magazine.

Yeah, baby.  Check it out.

The recipient has had a design or article rejected by a print or online knitting magazine.

More than once.

The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a non-knitting tool in a knitting-related scenario. For instance, recipient has used paper clips as stitch markers, or successfully whittled and then utilized bamboo skewers as dpns.

Very proud of this badge.

In which the recipient has been forced to seek the advice of a medical doctor, nurse, or alternative healthcare professional for injuries sustained as a result of knitting.

Tendinitis, right elbow, three months of physical therapy.  More crochet-induced than knitting, but close enough.

A requirement for all Knitting Scouts, the recipient must do his or her bit to present knitting in a positive light, whilst at the same time avoiding all references to “hipness”, grandmothers, and yoga.  ‘Nuff said.