Dear, dear BG, these are not normal squirrels. These are dark-hearted, evil-to-the-core squirrels. They are a plague. A boil on my butt. Surrender is not an option.
They uproot plants and throw them on the patio to die, simply to make me cry. They break off branches of my Japanese almond. They burrow. They bite off the heads of blooms, tear apart the petals. Break my heart in a thousand ways.
Seed on the ground is for normal rodents, and I don’t want any of those around either.
Under these conditions, peaceful coexistence is not possible. It’s jihad, I tell you. They’re lucky I’m not shipping them off to a secret prison in Egypt for “questioning.”